Never Ever (East Raven Academy Book 2) Page 17

  Stupid heart.

  “Okay, you’re right. I am going to go break up with Jason,” Teagan says, standing up. “Wish me luck.”

  “Good luck,” I say, as she walks out the door.

  I have a feeling that all of us are going to need luck to make it through the rest of the day.

  Have a nice swim.

  After dinner, I hang out with everybody—Teagan, Emma, Jason, Ian, Charlie, Estaine, and, of course, Sander. The whole thing is just kind of... weird.

  Teagan and Jason broke up this afternoon, but they’re both oddly okay with it. I am not sure what Teagan told him, but I thought he would be heartbroken. I was under the impression that he liked her a lot. At first, I didn’t think they had broken up, but then they announced it to the group.

  Bryce also is dating somebody else. A girl named Lyla Parker. She’s a sophomore, only a year younger than us, but she seems like a really nice girl. I hope things work out between them—and that they get along better than he and Emma.

  Emma is perfectly fine that Bryce has a new girl. At least, that is what she said. I also notice that she and Jason seem to be talking a lot tonight. Maybe he will be the one to help her get over Bryce.

  Charlie is hanging out with Teagan, which worries me. But I don’t think she will try to date him. I believe she really is in love with Estaine. I hope that someday she will have the courage to tell him, even if he doesn’t return the feelings.

  Ian is hanging out with Sam tonight. I don’t know what’s going on between them, or even if there is something. But I’m glad he’s hanging out with her. She has always been nice to me.

  And that leaves me with Sander. I am sitting on the docks beside him, feeling slightly uncomfortable. I think he is still mad at me.

  “I can break up with you,” I tell him.

  “What?” he asks, titling his head at me.

  “I can break up with you,” I say, repeating myself.

  “Do you know why I was mad that you told your friends we are dating?” he asks.

  I shake my head.

  “Because, when people date, that implies certain things,” he says.

  “Like what?” I ask. “You already hang out with me twenty-four-seven.”

  “I mean physical stuff,” he says. “Don’t you think your friends will wonder why I never kiss you or hold your hand?”

  “I didn’t think of that,” I say. “It’s just... you said it would be easier if my friends thought we were dating. And then you told Austin we were. And I didn’t know what to do. Honestly, I couldn’t think of a better lie, so I let them believe we’re dating. If I had known how much you’d hate me, I wouldn’t have. But I’ll tell them we broke up.”

  “Why would we break up?” he asks.

  “Because you’re a lousy kisser,” I say, grinning.

  He laughs. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

  I pretend that what he’s saying is disgusting. But my own heart betrays me by beating faster.

  “Well... what do you propose, then?” I ask.

  “Why do you get to be the one breaking up with me?” he asks. “Why can’t I break up with you?”

  “Because, you’re the one who was a jerk to me all day,” I say.

  “Well, I should get to break up with you because you put me in a bad situation,” he says.

  I shrug. “Just because you’re afraid to kiss me.”

  “I’m not afraid to kiss you,” Sander says. “I just don’t want to kiss you.”

  Ouch.

  I look out at the water, trying not to cry. But how can you not cry when a guy says something like that to you? Even if it is a guy you’re not interested in.

  I get up from the dock. “I am going back to my dorm.”

  He starts to get up, but I don’t let him. Instead, I do something really childish. And maybe a little bit rude. I push him into the lake and then I take off running.

  I don’t need Sander to walk with me. Especially not after saying that.

  I figure I have enough of a head start on him that I can make it back to my dorm before he can catch up with me. But then I imagine him bursting into my dorm because, what I did was stupid.

  Instead of running towards my dorm, I run towards Uncle Matty and Jake’s house instead. And hopefully, by the time he catches up with me, he will have calmed down.

  You’re not gross.

  It’s nearly midnight when I arrive at their house, and I was hoping that Uncle Matty and Jake would be asleep, but they’re not. The both of them are sitting in the living room, watching some movie.

  “Dang it,” I say, pushing the front door open.

  I expected to be getting calls from Sander, but my phone has remained very quiet in my pocket.

  Ah, maybe because I did push Sander into a lake. With his phone.

  Yikes.

  Thinking back, maybe I shouldn’t have pushed him into the lake. But it’s too late to take it back now. All I can do is hope that he doesn’t kill me when he inevitably catches up with me.

  “What the heck?” Jake says, him and Uncle Matty both standing up.

  “Um... hey,” I say, lifting a hand to wave at them.

  “What are you doing here?” Uncle Matty asks, looking at his watch. “It’s midnight. And where is Sander?”

  “About that...” I pause. “Um... can I crash here tonight?”

  “Is something wrong?” Jake asks.

  “No. Everything is okay,” I say. “But maybe if Sander calls, you could just... not answer your phones.”

  “Why would we do that?” he asks.

  “Because I’d rather not see him right now,” I say.

  Because I need to hide from him.

  “Why?” Uncle Matty asks.

  “Because I hate him,” I say.

  Hate is a strong word.

  But I definitely don’t like him right now.

  “What did he do?” Jake asks.

  I want to hide. “It’s not so much what he did and more what I did. But I was completely provoked. So, just know that. And also know that you guys are my favorite. So, please, save me from him.”

  I walk away from the door, scared that he’s going to bust through at any minute.

  “You know where your room is,” Uncle Matty says. “We will sort out whatever this is in the morning.”

  “Thank you,” I say, letting out a sigh.

  At the very least, they will protect me.

  I head back to where my room is to get ready for bed. There are plenty of clothes here, just in case. I grab some pajamas and head into the bathroom to get a shower before bed. My hair still smells like smoke from the bonfire last night,

  About half way through my shower, I hear some kind of commotion. I’m sure it’s Sander, but I know Uncle Matty and Jake will take care of that. I just take my time in the shower, hoping that Sander will be gone by the time I get out.

  After I get out of the shower, I continue to take my time getting dressed. I brush my hair and teeth. Before leaving the bathroom, I put my ear against the door to listen. I don’t hear anything now, so, hopefully, that means Sander is gone. I open the door to head to my room when I see a very angry looking Sander standing in front of the bathroom door. I’m unable to go around him. When I try to shut the door, he stops it with his foot.

  Well, crap.

  “Um, hi,” I say, going for Plan B.

  I’ll just pretend nothing ever happened.

  “There is plenty of hot water left,” I say to him, looking at his dripping wet clothes. “You look like you could use a shower.”

  “Do you think this is funny?” he asks.

  I nod. Slightly. But still, I know he saw.

  “I ran half a mile to your dorm room, soaking wet, and you weren’t even there. I thought something had happened to you,” he says.

  “You found me,” I say.

  “Phoenix, what you did was stupid. And reckless,” he says.

  “Yeah, well, you deserved it,” I say.

  �
��What did I do to deserve you pushing me into the lake?”

  “You... hurt my feelings,” I say, realizing how stupid it sounds to say it out loud. “And pushing you into the lake made me feel better.”

  “How on earth did I hurt your feelings?” he asks.

  “Are you kidding?” I ask. “You really don’t know how you hurt my feelings?”

  He shakes his head.

  His admission that he doesn’t know hurts almost as much as what he said. Maybe worse.

  I am so pathetic.

  “Look, I don’t care that you don’t want to kiss me, but you didn’t have to say it like that,” I say. “Like I’m some kind of... gross person.”

  Gross person?

  Wow.

  I have such a way with words.

  “You’re mad because I told you I don’t want to kiss you?” he asks.

  I nod.

  “Because you want to kiss me?”

  “No,” I say, denying it. “Why would I want to kiss you? You’ve done nothing but make my life miserable since—”

  My words are cut off when Sander suddenly puts his hand on the back of my head and pulls me to him, putting his lips over mine. And it takes me a few seconds to register what is happening—that Sander is kissing me. And I want to fight against him. But I realize this might be my only chance to kiss him. So I do.

  I have only kissed two guys... ever. And the kiss with Brooks hardly counts, because it happened so fast. And Estaine... well, we never really kissed that much. I think he was as afraid to kiss me as I was him.

  But Sander...

  He can kiss.

  Maybe it’s the skillful way he moves his lips against mine. The way he puts just the right amount of pressure on my lips. Or maybe it’s the way he has one hand on the back of my head, running his fingers through my hair. Or maybe it’s the other hand that is gently on the small of my back. It could possibly be the way he touches me so gently, like he’s scared I’m going to break.

  Or, it could be the fact that I have feelings for Sander. The kind of feelings that I’ve been too scared to admit to myself. But I refuse to think about that right now.

  I don’t know how long the kiss lasts. All I know is that it’s over far too soon.

  Sander looks at me for a moment. His eyes are wide and his hair is messed up.

  Yeah, I guess the messy hair part was my fault.

  “You aren’t gross,” he says, and then he walks away, leaving me standing in the bathroom. The front of my pajamas are wet from his clothes. And my lips are still tingling from the kiss.

  That kiss.

  Was.

  Wow.

  But once he’s out of my eyeshot, I can’t help but think—what just happened?

  Friday, September 22

  Sick.

  I wake up on Friday morning feeling extremely awkward.

  Awkward, because I have to face Uncle Matty and Jake after last night. Sure, they don’t know I kissed Sander, but I’m sure they know something. And it’s going to be so weird.

  But the worst part about it all is that I am going to have to face Sander today.

  I should’ve pushed him away last night. Yet, I still can’t regret my decision to kiss him back. Because, that was the best kiss of my life. And I’ve decided that the guy I end up with someday has to make me feel the way Sander did when he kissed me.

  I touch my lips at the memory.

  Sander kissed me.

  And then he told me, “you’re not gross.” Which would be weird if anybody else had said it. But it was exactly what I needed to hear from him.

  But now I have to see him. And be with him. All. Day. Long. And I am full of regret.

  “Phoenix, you need to get up and get ready for school,” Jake says from the other side.

  They were being nice already because they didn’t wake me up for training.

  “I’m sick,” I say, and fake a cough.

  Yeah, it’s a pathetic attempt. But it’s most definitely worth a shot.

  “Can I come in?”

  I hear a voice that definitely isn’t Jake.

  It’s Sander.

  The one person I wanted to avoid.

  “Yeah,” I say.

  I regret my words immediately. I went to bed last night with wet hair and I’m sure I look like absolutely crap. I try to run my fingers through my hair before he comes in, but before I can, my door opens up. Sander walks inside, shutting the door behind him.

  “You’re sick?” he asks.

  I cough.

  It’s a pathetic cough and I can tell by the way he’s looking at me that he thinks so, too.

  “Totally sick,” I say.

  “Cute hair,” he says.

  My face warms. I grab a rubber band from the side table and attempt to put my hair up in a messy bun.

  “Can I skip school?” I ask him.

  “You’ve skipped a lot this year,” he says.

  “I know,” I say. “But I’ve got good grades.”

  “I don’t know,” Sander says. “You’ve got to miss on Monday because we’re doing some training.”

  “Training?” I ask.

  “Yeah,” he says. “To see how quickly we can get you off campus if something bad were to happen.”

  “Why can’t you do that today?”

  “We’re not ready yet,” Sander says. “I’ve got some guys working on it now. Honestly, I can’t believe I’m not more prepared. I’ve been so distracted. I know better than to let this happen.”

  “Distracted?” I ask.

  Is it bad that I hope I am the reason he’s distracted?

  “Nothing,” he says. “Fine, you can skip school. I really don’t think I can take Mr. Anderson today, anyway. That guy is such a jerk.”

  “Just to me,” I say. “He seems to like everybody else in class just fine.”

  “Yeah,” he says. “What did you do to him?”

  “Nothing,” I say. “I’m innocent.”

  “Uh huh,” he says, but he doesn’t look convinced.

  “Can Charlie come over today, too?” I ask. “Because I could really use some brother-sister-bonding-time.”

  He laughs. “Oh, my gosh. You are such a bad influence. Fine. Charlie can come.”

  “Yay,” I say, jumping out of bed.

  “I thought you were sick,” he says.

  “I’m suddenly feeling better. It’s a miracle,” I say, then clear my throat. “Uh... since I’m here, you don’t have to babysit me, right?”

  He raises an eyebrow. “Oh, I see what this is. You want to avoid me.”

  I don’t say anything. But he’s exactly right. I do want to avoid him as much as I possibly can.

  “I do have a few things to do today,” he says. “But I will be here some. I have to train you, after all.”

  I roll my eyes. “How long am I going to have to train?”

  “Training never stops,” he says. “I still train and I’ve been doing this since I was a kid.”

  “No wonder you’re so...” hot. I was definitely about to call him hot. Oh, thank God I didn’t finish that statement.

  “So... what?” he asks.

  “Um...” I search for a different word. One that won’t make me seem like I spend way too much time looking at him. “Strong.”

  He smiles. “Whatever you say.”

  Now everything is going to be awkward between us.

  At least he didn’t bring up the kiss.

  “I’m going to go meet my contact,” he says.

  “Your contact?”

  “Just a couple of guys I know.”

  “Who?”

  “Hunter and Jaxon. You don’t know them,” he says.

  “Can I meet them?” I ask.

  “You want to meet them?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

  “Why not?”

  “Maybe,” he says. “They’re dying to meet you.”

  “Me? Why?” I ask. “Did you tell them about me?”

  “What? No,” he says. �
�They just know about my assignment, that’s all.”

  “And they’re dying to meet me?” I ask, putting my hands on my hips. “No, I think you told them about me.”

  “And what would I have to say about you?”

  His words make me smile. “I don’t know. Maybe you told them that I’m not gross and that is why they want to meet me.”

  Sander just looks at me, not saying one word. I pretend not to notice how his cheeks are slightly pink.

  Wow. I actually made Sander Soto blush. I didn’t think it was possible.

  “What happened last night, it can never happen again,” he says.

  “I believe you’re the one who... well, I never would’ve done what you did,” I say, not able to bring myself to say the word kiss. Not when it comes to Sander and me. “So, maybe you should figure it all out for yourself.”

  He shakes his head.

  “At least now I know that you don’t think I’m gross,” I say. “In fact, you think I’m the opposite of gross. I’m flattered, really.”

  “You kissed me back,” he says.

  “I did,” I say. “You’re quite a good kisser. Too bad you said we can’t do it again.” I walk towards the dresser. “I’m going to get dressed now. You should go see your friends. And definitely you should tell them how amazing our kiss was.”

  Sander smiles and shakes his head at me. “How do you know the kiss was amazing for me?”

  “Because you told me I wasn’t gross after you kissed me,” I say. “That’s got to be a compliment—coming from you.”

  “Phoenix,” he says.

  “Yes?”

  “Stay out of trouble today.”

  With that, Sander turns and walks out of my room, shutting the door behind him. And I kind of wonder where my bravery came from. And I also come to the realization that I might kind of be crushing on my bodyguard, which is a problem.

  Worst big brother ever.

  When Charlie gets to the safe house later that morning, I immediately pull him back to my room, away from Uncle Matty and Jake. I so do not want them to hear the conversation I’m about to have with my brother.

  Sander is gone. I’m not exactly sure how long he will be gone, but I definitely don’t want him to be here when I tell Charlie about what happened. It would somehow make this whole thing a lot more awkward. But I have to tell Charlie.