Never Ever (East Raven Academy Book 2) Page 16

  “What about Brooks? He wasn’t Teagan’s friend.”

  Hearing his name hurts my heart.

  “Brooks thought I was pretty. Or something,” I say, feeling awkward even saying it. “We met at a party, he hit on me, and I was like putty in his hands.”

  “You’re not bad to look at,” Sander says.

  “Not bad to look at?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him. “Is that supposed to be a compliment? If it is, I see why your last girlfriend dumped you.”

  He laughs. “You know what I mean. You’re cute. For a sixteen-year-old.”

  “I’m about to be seventeen,” I say. “And you’re eighteen. So don’t talk about me like I’m so much younger than you.”

  “I do think you’re pretty,” Sander says. “And I know I’m not that much older than you. But you’re my job and I have to act like it. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that when I’m with you.”

  “You forget that I’m your job?” I ask.

  “Yeah,” he answers. “I guess you make me feel normal... like I’m your friend, or something.”

  “You are my friend,” I say.

  And I thought that was obvious.

  “I’m also the guy who is protecting you,” he says.

  I hear footsteps coming towards us, so I look up and see Austin come to a stop in front of Sander and me.

  Austin is a senior. He’s also a prefect and he’s on the football team. He’s pretty popular, but he literally hasn’t said a word to me since the first day that I arrived on campus. But now, he’s standing there, looking at me.

  “Hey, Phoenix,” he says.

  Honestly, I’m surprised he even knows my name.

  “Hey, Austin,” I say.

  “Can I sit?” he asks, pointing to the empty spot on the bench beside me.

  There really isn’t that much room there, so I scoot closer to Sander. It’s still going to be a tight squeeze.

  “Sure,” I say.

  There are plenty of other benches out here, so I know he didn’t just come to sit down.

  “What have you been up to?” Austin asks me.

  I shrug. “You know, classes. That’s about it.”

  Such a lie.

  “I heard you broke up with Estaine,” he says.

  Oh, gosh. I hope he’s not about to ask me out.

  But why would he? This is Austin. He’s one of the most popular boys in our school. He can do a lot better than me. So I decide quickly he’s just trying to make conversation to be friendly.

  “Yeah,” I answer. “Things just weren’t working out between us.”

  “I think you broke his heart,” he says. “Estaine has been sad at football practice.”

  “I didn’t mean to,” I say, my stomach hurting at the thought of Estaine having a broken heart because of me.

  Sander is right. I never should’ve said yes to a guy I had lukewarm feelings for.

  “I get it. I’ve had to break up with girls before, too,” he says. “So, what about him?” Austin nods his head towards Sander. “Are you two dating? If not, maybe you and I could hang out sometime.”

  Sander surprises me by putting an arm around me. “Her date card is full.”

  “I had to ask,” Austin says, winking at me. He looks at Sander. “Sorry, man.”

  “Nah, it’s cool,” Sander says. “I understand. She’s beautiful.”

  Beautiful?

  Sander thinks I’m beautiful?

  I know he said it earlier today, but it still shocks me. There is no way he really means it, though. I’m sure he’s met a lot of beautiful women. He’s probably just saying it for Austin’s benefit anyway.

  “I guess I’ll catch you guys later,” Austin says, standing up. He turns to me. “If you and Sander don’t work out, call me.”

  I nod, because, what else am I supposed to do when somebody says that?

  “That was awkward,” I say, once Austin is out of earshot.

  “Painfully awkward,” Sander says, moving his arm away. I slide farther from him. “How can you be so oblivious to when a guy is flirting with you?”

  “I don’t exactly have experience,” I say, my face growing warm. I’m sure my face is bright red.”

  “Right,” he says.

  “Why did you tell him that we’re dating?” I ask. “What if I wanted to go out with him?”

  “And take me on your date?” Sander asks. “How are you going to explain that one? Besides, he’s not your type.”

  “How do you know he’s not my type?”

  “Because I know you,” he says.

  “And what is my type?”

  “Not him.”

  I groan. “Fine. I didn’t want to go out with him, but you didn’t have to tell him that we are dating.”

  “Right. And how would you have responded to his question about wanting to hang out sometime?”

  I hesitate, trying to think of something to say. If I’m being honest, I have no clue how I would’ve gotten out of that situation.

  “Exactly,” Sander says, after I stay silent for entirely too long. “You’re welcome for helping you.”

  “Maybe you can show me how to politely turn a guy down.”

  “Can you ever, truly, politely turn a guy down?” Sander asks. “I mean, no matter how you say it, no is still no.”

  “But I don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings,” I say. “I feel guilty enough for hurting Estaine.”

  “It’s better to hear the word no than to be dragged along by somebody who doesn’t have feelings for you,” Sander says. “Trust me.”

  “Did you do that to your ex?” I ask.

  He nods. “Though, to be fair, we kind of did the same to each other.”

  “I think I did that to Estaine, too,” I say.

  Though, in my defense, I didn’t realize it at the time.

  “Does dating ever get easier?” I ask.

  “I don’t know,” he answer. “But I figure dating is just trial and error. You date all the wrong people until one day you wake up and realize you’re dating the right person.”

  “Do you believe in soulmates?”

  “No,” he answers. “But I do believe in compatibility.”

  I giggle.

  “What?” he asks.

  “I’m just trying to imagine the girl you’d be compatible with someday.”

  He rolls his eyes.

  But seriously, I wonder what kind of girl Sander will end up with.

  I also wonder why I feel sick thinking about it.

  Thursday, September 21

  Madly.

  When Sander and I walk into the dining hall for breakfast on Thursday morning, I notice a few people are staring at us and I wonder if there will ever come a day that I’m not at the center of East Raven gossip.

  “What did I do this time?” I ask Sander, as we grab some food.

  “I don’t know, but I’m sure you did something,” he says.

  I ignore his comment and make my way over to where my friends are sitting. Teagan isn’t at breakfast this morning. She was still asleep when I left. I also notice Bryce isn’t sitting with us, he’s sitting at a table with some other people. Ian also hasn’t arrived. And Charlie... well, who knows where he is.

  “You have a lot of explaining to do,” Emma says.

  “I do?” I ask. “Why? And why isn’t Bryce sitting with us?”

  “We broke up,” she says, waving a hand. “This time, we decided it would be for good. We’re tired of fighting and have come to the conclusion that we simply can’t get along. But that’s old news.”

  “And I’m new news?” I ask.

  “The word is, Austin asked you out last night, and Sander made sure he knew that you two are together,” Emma says.

  “I heard it straight from Austin,” Jason says. “And I believe him. Austin doesn’t like to gossip.”

  Ah, crud.

  I look at Sander, wondering what I should do. But he doesn’t say anything.

  “Fine. We decided to
date,” I say, shrugging my shoulders like it’s not a big deal. Because it’s not. We’re not really dating. I just can’t think of a better lie to tell my friends. “Sander pretty much told me he’s in love with me.”

  “Madly,” Sander says, but I can hear the sarcasm in his voice. Thankfully my friends don’t seem to notice.

  “Right,” Estaine says, looking at me. “Austin Vanderbilt asked you out?”

  I nod.

  “It was painful to watch him flirt with Phoenix and her be completely clueless,” Sander says.

  “This is kind of... unexpected,” Jason says.

  “Oh, please,” Emma says. “Phoenix and Sander have been inseparable since he got here.”

  “True,” Jason says, then looks over at Estaine. “Are you okay with that?”

  Estaine smiles. “I think Sander is perfect for her.”

  Jason and Emma both seem to think that Estaine is such a good guy for being cool with me “moving on.” If only they knew that letting the school think I’m dating Sander is the opposite of moving on. Estaine is happy because he knows that as long as I’m “dating” Sander, I won’t date anybody else.

  After eating breakfast, I head to my class, but Emma quickly catches up with me, telling me she needs to “talk.” Knowing Sander won’t leave me alone on campus, I tell her we should talk in the bathroom. He can’t follow me in there.

  “Do you ever get annoyed that Sander follows you everywhere?” Emma asks. She’s messing with her hair while she looks at herself in the mirror.

  “No. Of course not,” I say, lying through my teeth. “I think it’s sweet.”

  “Gosh, I don’t know how you put up with it,” she says.

  “What did you want to talk about?” I ask, wanting to change the subject from my fake and most definitely non-existent relationship with Sander. One of these days, I’m certain that somebody is going to catch me in a lie, and that scares me.

  “Okay,” she says, taking a deep breath. “I have to tell you something, but you have to promise you won’t tell anybody. Like, ever. Not even Teagan. No, especially not Teagan. Because she would hate me if she ever knew the truth. I mean, I kind of hate me for it. It’s—”

  I cut her off. “Emma, breathe.”

  “Right,” she says. “Sorry. I just... it’s bad.”

  “I won’t judge you.”

  “Okay. I kind of have a massive crush on Jason.”

  “Jason Thorton?” I ask.

  She nods.

  “Our friend? The guy who sometimes refers to himself as Thor?” I ask. “That Jason Thorton?”

  She nods again.

  “Your best friend’s boyfriend, Jason?” I ask again, just to clarify.

  “Yes. That Jason,” she says, then puts a hand to her forehead in an attempt to hide her face. “Oh, my gosh, Phoenix. What am I going to do? Teagan would hate me if she knew.”

  “No, she wouldn’t,” I say. “She’d probably break up with him if she knew.”

  “What? No way. She really likes him.”

  “No,” I say. “She really likes Estaine. She told me so. That’s why we were fighting so much after Sander showed up. Apparently she’s in love with Estaine and couldn’t stand the thought of me cheating on him with Sander. Which I wasn’t, by the way.”

  “Still? No way,” she says. “She told me she was over him last year.”

  “Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that,” I say. “I mean, honestly, I figured you knew. You’re her best friend.”

  “No. I had no idea,” she says. “She doesn’t deserve to date a good guy like Jason.”

  “But what about Ian?” I ask. “I know he really likes you.”

  “No,” she answers. “Maybe he did. And I liked making out with him. But after Bryce and I got back together, I had a talk with him. He actually has a crush on somebody else. I promised I wouldn’t tell who. It’s not you, so don’t worry.”

  “Why would I think it’s me?” I ask.

  “Because it seems like every guy in the school has a crush on you,” she says.

  I roll my eyes. “No, they don’t. And if any guy does, they’re only interested because they obviously have a thing for damsels in distress.”

  “Is that why Sander likes you?” she asks.

  I don’t know how to answer her question, so I don’t.

  “Tell Teagan how you feel,” I tell her, changing the subject away from me.

  “No,” she says. “I can’t. Not yet. But soon.”

  Soon.

  Emma walks out of the bathroom, leaving me there alone. And all I can think is now I have yet one more secret I have to keep.

  When I come out of the bathroom, Sander is standing there waiting for me, as always. But he looks angry.

  “What is wrong with you?” I ask.

  “Why did you tell your friends that we are dating?” he asks.

  “Because you told Austin last night that we were, and I couldn’t exactly tell them otherwise,” I say.

  “That was stupid, Phoenix,” he says.

  Stupid?

  He turns off to walk away, but then stops, as if he remembers he literally can’t get away from me.

  “Are you coming?” he asks.

  I nod and follow him, but I wonder who else I am going to piss off today.

  Luck.

  After school that day, I decide to hangout in my room and do my homework. Mostly, I’m just trying to avoid spending time with Sander. He has been mad at me all day and I can’t really figure out why. I guess he’s mad because I told my friends that we’re dating, but he told Austin first. Technically, this whole mess is his fault to begin with.

  When my door opens, I turn around in my chair, expecting to yell at Sander for being a brat, but instead I see Teagan walk in.

  Of course it’s Teagan. Sander would never come into my dorm room without knocking.

  He has my brain so frazzled.

  “Your brother hung out with Penny last night,” Teagan says, crossing her arms over her chest.

  “And?”

  “They were making out,” she says. “Well, more like he was trying to eat her face off.”

  “Gross,” I say. “Thanks for that visual.”

  “But why Penny?” Teagan asks.

  “Don’t worry. My brother doesn’t do the whole commitment thing,” I say. “In a few weeks, he’ll be making out with somebody else.”

  “Do you think he’d ever be interested in me?”

  This causes me look up to her from my homework. “Teagan, you have a boyfriend. Or are you forgetting about Jason?”

  When I say the name Jason, she frowns.

  “If you don’t like Jason, you shouldn’t lead him on,” I say.

  “No, I know,” she says. “I do like him. I just don’t like him like I should. He doesn’t make me nervous, you know? He’s just Jason. And he’s fun to hang out with and make out with, but that’s it.”

  I remember what Emma said earlier, about having a crush on him.

  “What if you’re holding Jason back?” I ask. “What if somebody likes him but would never go for it because you’re with him?”

  “You’re right,” she says. “It’s unfair to him.”

  “But you also shouldn’t go after Charlie if you still have feelings for Estaine,” I say. “You need to figure out who you have feelings for.”

  “You said it yourself,” she says. “Charlie isn’t a commitment kind of guy. Maybe I can just have fun with him for a bit until Estaine gets over you.”

  “Teagan, you have terrible logic,” I tell her. “Don’t lead on my brother. In fact, I don’t want you to go after him. It would be weird. It would be like... me dating one of your brothers.”

  “All my brothers are either married or engaged,” she says, looking horrified.

  “I’m just saying,” I say. “I feel the same way when you talk about getting with Charlie.”

  “I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t even think about it.”

  “P
lus, all my friends that have ever dated him hate me afterwards, and I can’t handle you hating me again,” I say.

  “What should I do?” she asks.

  “First, you should never, ever date my brother,” I say. “Or even talk about dating him.”

  She rolls her eyes.

  “And you need to figure out what your feelings are for Jason,” I say.

  Teagan frowns at that. “But I do like him.”

  “Let me ask you this—if Estaine came to you right now and told you that he had feelings for you and wanted to date you, what would you do?” I ask.

  “I’d date Estaine,” she says, without even having to think.

  “Okay,” I say. “Well, there is your answer. You and I both know that Jason is a good guy, and he deserves a girl who will love him.”

  “You don’t like Jason, right?”

  I laugh. “No.”

  “I heard you and Sander are dating. Is it true?” she asks.

  “Sander and I are... complicated,” I say. I try to tell her the truth without telling her too much of the truth. “Last night, Austin asked me out. And Sander told him that we are dating. And this morning, everybody had heard about it, so I just went along with it. Now, Sander is mad at me. Apparently he can lie and say we’re dating, but I can’t.”

  “Maybe his feelings for you shocked him,” she says.

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “It’s obvious that Sander told Austin that you’re dating because he has feelings for you,” she says. “Otherwise, he would’ve just let you go out with Austin.”

  “I wouldn’t have gone out with Austin, though,” I say.

  “Yeah, but he doesn’t know that.”

  I think about what she’s saying. But I know she’s wrong. Sander just said what he did to help me. He knew I was going to say no to Austin, and he knew telling him no was going to be hard.

  Or maybe, just maybe, Teagan is right.

  I reject the idea immediately, but my heart still flutters at the hope.