Never Ever (East Raven Academy Book 2) Read online

  He shrugs. “Poor kid. I think he’s in love with you.”

  “No, he’s not,” I say.

  “Really? What do you know about being in love?”

  “Nothing,” I answer. “Because I’m sixteen, which is too young to be in love.”

  “Who told you sixteen is too young to fall in love?” Uncle Matty asks.

  “Um, everybody,” I answer. “Plus, I see how the couples are at my school. They all just fight. Or I’ve seen Charlie, who is in love with a new girl every other week.”

  “What is love to you?”

  “I don’t know,” I answer. “I guess it’s a feeling you get.”

  “Wrong,” he says. “Love is not a feeling. It is an action. Lots of actions, actually. And because of those actions, you can feel love. It’s not a magical, unattainable thing.”

  “Really? Didn’t you just tell me you fell in love at first sight with your wife?”

  He pauses before responding. “Maybe you’re just too cynical to fall in love.”

  I laugh. “Whatever, it’s fine. Love is overrated. Who needs a boyfriend anyway?”

  “Why are you dating Estaine if you’re not in love with him?”

  I lean against the counter, trying to think of how exactly to answer his question.

  “I don’t know,” I answer. “I guess because I do like him a lot. He’s really nice and I do have feelings for him that are more than just friendship feelings. Also, I like kissing him. So, why not?”

  “Huh,” he says. “You make relationships sound so simple. But they’re not. They’re messy and hard. Sometimes, you’ve got to work for them.”

  “I get that,” I say. “And maybe someday I will work at a relationship. But for now, I’m having fun. What’s wrong with that?”

  “Nothing,” Uncle Matty says. “Absolutely nothing. Enjoy being sixteen while you can.”

  “I will. For two more months,” I say.

  “Less than that now,” he says.

  Sander walks back into the room, his phone in hand.

  “The food will be here in twenty minutes,” he says. “I hope you’re really hungry, ’cause I pretty much ordered one of everything.”

  While we wait on our food, I think about what Uncle Matty said, and I wonder if maybe I really shouldn’t be with Estaine.

  But I do like him.

  I just really hope I don’t break his heart.

  Tuesday, September 12

  Like a girl.

  When I first came to East Raven Academy, I hated training with Uncle Matty and Jake. Running was hard. I always left with my body feeling exhausted and sore. But now, I find that I look forward to these moments. And I’m really ready for Jake to get back. He’s the voice of reason when I train with Uncle Matty. When he’s not here, we just fight. A lot.

  But today, I am not training with Uncle Matty. And I never thought I would say this, but I would rather train with Uncle Matty than with Sander. Sander keeps trying to push me harder, when I truly have nothing left to give. I’m exhausted. I’m sweaty. And my legs and arms are shaking from exertion. At this point, I’ll be lucky if I can even make it to my dorm room, let alone class all day.

  “You hit like a girl,” Sander says.

  “Is that supposed to be an insult or a compliment?” I ask. “Because one, I am a girl. And two, if you’re insinuating that I hit like a girl because I’m not that good, then that is seriously insulting to every female on the planet.”

  “Whatever,” he says. “You’re in a bad mood today.”

  “Uncle Matty and Jake never make me go this long,” I say. “I’m so sore that I probably won’t even be able to move tomorrow.”

  “You have to learn this. How else will you be able to protect yourself?” Sander asks.

  “Isn’t that your job?” I ask. “To protect me from the bad guys? I mean, if all I need is some self-defense classes, I’ll sign up for a class in Malibu. Send me home where I can at least be with my family.”

  “You know it’s not that, Phoenix,” Sander says. “I am here to protect you and I will protect you with my life. But if something happens, I need you to be able to fight.”

  “And I’m trying, okay?” I say. “I have been working hard since I first got here. That is why I get up at five every single morning and come over here, while all my friends are asleep. It’s why I can now run five miles when I couldn’t even run one fourth of a mile when I first came. I’m not being a slacker. I just am not used to all of this. I didn’t train at a super-secret spy school, like you. I’m just a normal teenaged girl who was living a normal life one day... and woke up in the hospital the next. My life literally changed overnight. I’m sorry that I’m not as good as you expect me to be. But I promise I’m not trying to slack. I’m working my butt off.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry,” Sander says. “But you have to take this seriously. You act like this is all a joke.”

  “I know how serious it is,” I say. “Some weirdos just offered a million dollar reward to anybody who could find me. It’s scary, okay? Trust me, I get it.”

  “It is scary,” he says. “And I want to make it a little less scary for you by showing you how to fight back.”

  I sit down on the floor, because I am done training for the day. And if I stand for one more second, I’m going to fall over.

  “Get up.”

  “I can’t,” I say. “I’m done, Sander. I can’t do this anymore.”

  He sits down beside me. “I wish I had been here to train you from day one.”

  “I’m glad you weren’t, because I have improved so much from then and you’re acting like I’m still weak. I’m not. Really.”

  “You’re going up against guys who have trained their entire life,” Sander says. “And I know you’ve been training for less than a month, but that should motivate you to train harder. You somehow have to get to their level if you want to survive.”

  “You know what happened when I was kidnapped?”

  “I read your file,” he says.

  “Then you know that I didn’t even know that I was kidnapped. I was drugged. One minute I was walking to my car, and the next minute I woke up in a hospital bed. It was the next day, but it didn’t feel like any time had passed for me. I was confused. You can’t tell me that learning how to fight could have prevented what happened to me.”

  “No, it couldn’t have prevented it. But I can tell you that training could help you see the bad guys coming,” Sander says. “I will teach you to always be aware of your surroundings. In Malibu, you felt safe. And I know you feel safe here too. But you have to realize that you are never safe.”

  “I just want to be normal,” I tell him.

  “But you’re not normal,” he says.

  “I know,” I say. “I’m just done for the day. I promise I will come tomorrow and I will try harder tomorrow. But right now, I don’t think I can even lift my arm above my head. I am so tired.”

  “Okay,” Sander says. “I’m really disappointed in you. I expected you to try harder.”

  I get up off the ground, my muscles protesting. “Well, I’ve thoroughly pissed off all of my friends. I might as well have you be angry at me, too.”

  I want to storm off dramatically—maybe even slam the door behind me. But he’s coming with me, because he’s here to protect me. And as much as I would like to tell him not to come, I can’t. Because he’s right. I’m not strong enough to protect myself.

  When will this nightmare be over?

  What could it hurt?

  Today might be the worst day of my life. And maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it definitely does suck.

  Teagan isn’t talking to me. At all. In fact, she completely ignores me, even if I try to talk to her. Which is absolutely ridiculous. If anybody should be mad, it’s me. She’s the one who called me out and accused me of cheating on my boyfriend in front of all of our friends. And then she basically told me she’s in love with my boyfriend.

  But tha
t’s not all. Nope.

  Sander is mad at me. I guess I managed to really anger him this morning, to the point that he’s also not talking to me. He does answer my questions, but they’re very curt answers—yes, no, and any other short phrase he can use to respond.

  But at least I have Estaine.

  “What’s with you today?” Estaine asks.

  “I’m having a bad day,” I answer.

  “Why? What happened?”

  “I don’t know. Sander was giving me a hard time today in training,” I say. “So we got into a fight and now he’s giving me the cold shoulder. Plus, Teagan is not talking to me since the whole incident yesterday in the common room.”

  “That was weird,” Estaine says. “I’ve never seen Teagan act like that. I need to talk to her and see what I can do to convince her that you’re just friends with Sander.”

  “I have said everything I could. Well, everything except the truth,” I say. “Which isn’t an option at all. But I hate it so much. I just wish my whole life wasn’t one big lie. I feel like you are the only person who knows the real me.”

  “I’m glad you told me,” he says.

  “If you didn’t know the truth about Sander, would you think I was cheating on you?” I ask.

  Estaine shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe. I mean, I see why everybody is suspicious. All the guys on the football team keep telling me I’m stupid for staying with you. But they don’t know.”

  “Yeah, I guess I can see their point. Still, it just sucks to be the one labeled a bad person,” I say. “Not only do I have to worry about terrorists finding me, or killing my family, or blowing up this school, but I also have to worry about my reputation, and how to convince my friends that I’m not a dirty cheat. Oh, and let’s not forget Sander—who doesn’t think I’m training hard enough.”

  “I thought you were doing well with your training,” Estaine says.

  “I was. I mean, I thought I was. Uncle Matty and Jake seem to think I’m doing well. But then Sander thinks I suck and he has no problem telling me so,” I say. “I can barely lift my arms today. I thought I was going to die just carrying my food to the table today during lunch. It doesn’t do any good for me to work out and work hard if I’m too tired and sore to fight off somebody who comes after me.”

  “He just wants you to be safe,” Estaine says. “I can tell that Sander cares about you.”

  “It’s his job to care about me,” I say.

  “Nah, it’s more than that,” he says.

  “Maybe,” I say. “I guess I’m kind of feeling sorry for myself today is all.”

  “It’s understandable,” he says. “Everybody has bad days, but yours are substantially worse because it’s not just a bad day for you. It’s... everything in the world that could go wrong kind of has gone wrong.”

  “No. That’s not true. Not really,” I say. “At least my family is safe. That is my number one concern. It could be a lot worse.”

  “What are you going to do about the whole Teagan thing?” he asks.

  I shrug. “What am I supposed to do? Beg her to see reason? I mean, she’s taking this so personally. And it’s not like I can tell Sander to back off, because he’s literally protecting me.”

  “Maybe you could tell him not to joke about being in love with you. That probably doesn’t help,” he says.

  I roll my eyes. “I’ve told him. But I think he enjoys torturing me. Even though he’s eighteen, I feel like he’s forgotten what it’s like to be in high school.”

  Actually, he was never in a normal high school, so he doesn’t know what it’s like. But his super-secret high school for spies had to have a little drama, right? Putting that many teenagers in one place, there is bound to be something.

  “I’m just saying, sometimes even I’m worried that you’re going to break up with me for him,” Estaine says. “I mean, yeah, he’s your bodyguard. But he’s not that much older. And he seems like a cool guy. And I see how all the girls look at him. I guess he’s not a bad looking guy.”

  Which makes me roll my eyes.

  “Estaine, have you not listened to anything I said over the past five minutes? I’ve just been complaining about him,” I say. “Why would you even think that I would have a crush on him? Ew.”

  “I’m just saying is all.”

  “Well, I think you’ve just been listening to all your friends too much,” I say, standing up from the chair. “Look, I’m going to go back to my dorm, because you are doing a really bad job of cheering me up. I’ll see you later.”

  “You have to call Sander and have him walk you back,” he says.

  “I can walk back on my own just fine,” I say, walking out the door, not waiting for a response.

  Because, God forbid I have one moment of privacy.

  Since being at East Raven Academy, I have steadily lost more and more freedom. All I want to do is go for a walk by myself.

  Which gives me an idea.

  I walk out the front door of the guys dormitory and take off towards the woods. All I want to do is just have five minutes of privacy. Five minutes to be by myself. What could it hurt?

  As I walk, I think about everything that was taken away from me—my family, even if only temporarily, my home in Malibu, my freedom... I’m not even allowed to leave campus anymore. And I would give almost anything to leave this stupid school for just a few hours—maybe I could go out to eat or go shopping... even if I could just go grab a cup of coffee from somewhere besides the campus coffee shop would be great. But I can’t have those things. I am stuck here with friends who hate me, a boyfriend who doesn’t trust me and a bodyguard who thinks I am weak.

  I wish Charlie was here, or that I could at least talk to him. He would know what to do. He always knows what to do. But even that has been taken away from me. I can’t call him because it’s not safe.

  My phone goes off and I pull out my phone and see a text from Sander.

  SANDER: Get your butt to your dorm room right now.

  ME: Hmm... was going to, but decided I’m tired of being told what to do. So, no.

  SANDER: I swear I will find you and drag you back to your dorm if I have to.

  ME: Good luck finding me.

  I lock my phone and put it in my back pocket. I hear my phone start ringing and know that it’s definitely Sander calling.

  Yep, not answering.

  I feel good about my decision not to answer. I just need a few more minutes and I swear I will go back. I know it’s not safe, but I need this. Even if it’s just a couple of minutes.

  The campus at East Raven Academy is beautiful. It’s not too far outside of Boston, but it’s still hidden in a small town on 350+ acres. The buildings are all gorgeous and the landscaping is breathtaking. There are even pathways through the woods where students can go for walks. I run here every morning with Uncle Matty and Jake, but I’ve never really taken the time to enjoy it. I should come on walks more often.

  I hear feet shuffling behind me. Somebody else must be out on a run this afternoon. I go to step out of the way when something hits me and I feel a moment of weightlessness before my body hits the ground with a jar.

  This is the exact moment I regret leaving without Sander, because I’m pretty sure somebody is about to murder me.

  That other guy.

  My face is in the dirt and my hands are being held behind my back. I can’t move or fight. All I can do is just lie there and hope that whoever has me pinned doesn’t kill me.

  Sander was right. I’m not strong enough. And as hard as training is, I wish I had trained harder. I wish I had pushed myself... I wish... anything. Because now it’s too late. I am probably going to be kidnapped, and eventually, I will be killed. And all I will have is regret, because, literally, all I have done is complain.

  I swear, if I somehow manage to get out of this, I am going to train harder than I ever have. I will stand up to Teagan more when she calls me out for cheating on my boyfriend. And I will yell at Estaine, because he should
trust me more. I won’t be a doormat to anybody ever again. And when I eventually go home, I definitely won’t hide behind Charlie anymore, even though it’s easier.

  “Phoenix Black, I swear if you ever try anything like this again, I will hurt you.”

  Sander.

  It’s Sander.

  Oh, thank God.

  I stop fighting and relax. That is when Sander loosens his grip on me and my arms are freed. But I don’t try to get up. Instead, I just cry, because I am so relieved that I’m alive, relieved that Sander isn’t a terrorist here to kidnap me.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, my face still against the dirt and grass.

  “Crying is not going to get you out of trouble,” Sander says. “You’re grounded.”

  “Grounded from what?” I ask, rolling over so I can look at him. I’m still crying and don’t care that I probably look like a hot mess.

  But also, I’m wondering what I could possibly be grounded from. I don’t have any freedom to leave campus, not even supervised, I don’t even get to hang out with my friends by myself. Except with Estaine, for which I am grateful.

  Oh, gosh.

  That’s what he’s going to ground me from, isn’t it?

  Uh. No.

  “You’re grounded from everything because you scared the crap out of me,” Sander says.

  “I scared you?” I ask. “You’re the one who tackled me in the middle of the woods without warning.”

  “I did warn you,” Sander says. “What do you think those texts were for?”

  “How did you even find me?”

  “I am not telling you that, because if you get the bright idea to go off on your own again, I need to be able to find you,” he says.

  I kind of deserved that.

  “I’m sorry,” I say again. “I promise I won’t do that again, and I promise I will start training harder and try to keep my complaining to a minimum.”