Never Ever (East Raven Academy Book 2) Page 4

  Together, we walk back towards the dorms.

  I love my friends, I do. I just... wish things were different.

  Saturday, September 9

  Danger.

  I was woken up at three in the morning by Teagan, who couldn’t possibly wait to give me the rundown on Emma and Bryce. Apparently, she told him that she’s not getting back with him. Ever. But she also told Ian that she’s not ready to date anybody else. After that Bryce and Paige were holding hands and making out in front of everybody. Apparently Bryce and Paige have updated their relationship status online, and are ‘officially’ dating. It sucks for Emma, but maybe it is for the best. If Bryce moves on, maybe she will, too.

  After hearing the story, I fell back asleep and am now up for the day. I’m waiting for Sander to come so I can go get breakfast. Estaine is spending the day off campus, so I won’t be seeing him until dinner tonight. Apparently, he is meeting with his dad. I’m not sure if it’s going to be a good or bad thing. I know his parents are about to go public with their divorce announcement, and he’s not taking that very well. I feel bad for him.

  When Sander knocks on the door, Teagan opens it because she’s standing closer than I am.

  “Sander. Hey,” she says, opening the door wider. “What a surprise.”

  She’s being sarcastic, of course. And I know what this all must look like from her perspective. She doesn’t know that Sander is my bodyguard and I literally can’t go anywhere without him. She sees him as a guy I spend more time with than I do my own boyfriend. And I hate keeping this from her, but I don’t have a choice.

  “Hey, roommate of Phoenix,” Sander says, and then looks me. “Hey, Sunshine.”

  I roll my eyes. “You had it right the first time. It’s Phoenix.”

  “But you’re the light of my life,” he says. “Sunshine seems fitting.”

  “Is it possible to annoy somebody to death, because if it is, you’re doing a great job,” I say, standing up. I turn to Teagan. “Sander and I are going to go get breakfast. You wanna come?”

  “Nope. Emma and I are going to go get breakfast out this morning. I was going to ask if you wanted to come,” Teagan says. “I think we’re going to go shopping after and won’t be back until late this afternoon.”

  I already know that I can’t go with them. I’m on lockdown, which means I can’t leave campus at all, thanks to that stupid kiss cam.

  “I can’t today,” I say. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” Teagan says. “I think tonight we are going to try to have a slumber party to get Emma’s mind off all of it. We’re going to be in Penny and Zoey’s room, if you want to come.”

  “Absolutely. I’ll be there.”

  After a quick goodbye, Sander and I head towards the dining hall together to get breakfast.

  “I’ve always wondered... what, exactly, do girls do at sleepovers?” Sander asks.

  “Tonight we will probably trash talk Bryce and tell Emma how pretty she is,” I say. “But, honestly, I’ve never been to a girl sleepover before coming here. I mean, my sleepovers always consisted of my stepbrother, a Star Wars marathon, and way too much junk food. Something tells me these girls aren’t big Star Wars fans.”

  “That sounds way more fun than the girl sleepover,” Sander says.

  “Tell me about it,” I say. “What about you? Did you and your siblings have sleepovers?”

  “I’m an only child,” Sander says, opening the door for me to walk out of the building.

  “That’s sad.”

  “Yeah,” he says. “But I have a cousin who is about the same age as me. We always hung out when we were younger.”

  “Is he as sarcastic as you are?” I ask.

  “Sebastian is worse than I am,” Sander says.

  “He is a spy too?”

  Sander laughs. “Um, he went to the same school as I did. He’s actually in New Zealand now, on the assignment that I left to come here.”

  “Thanks for coming here,” I say. “I know that it sucks having to follow me around, and I’m not always nice, but I do appreciate you keeping me safe. This whole situation just sucks really bad.”

  “I know that you don’t know me,” Sander says. “But if I am here, it means you’re really in danger.”

  “I thought that was why I came to East Raven to begin with.”

  “Look, I know you’re smart. You’ll probably figure all this out on your own. But I’m not Secret Service. And I’m not in the CIA. I am trained more than they will ever be,” Sander says. “I don’t come for no reason.”

  “That’s... scary.”

  Like, really scary.

  “How am I supposed to sleep at night after hearing that?” I ask him.

  “Because I am here,” Sander says. “Not trying to be arrogant, but I’m the best. I promise you that since I am with you, you’re safe.”

  “If you’re trying to make sure I don’t run off without you, you’re doing a good job,” I say. “Because hearing that... is frightening.”

  “Good. I want you to be scared, because this situation is very serious,” he says.

  I stop before we get to the cafeteria building and turn to him. “I don’t like this. I mean, are you sure it’s safe for me to be here?”

  “If it wasn’t, I would have you out of here already,” Sander says. “If things change, you’ll know.”

  That makes me feel better.

  Sander jokes around with me a lot, but my safety is his number one concern. I trust him with my life, and as long as he is here, I know I’m safe. I just hope Estaine is okay with him always being there. He says he is, but how could he be? We literally have no privacy.

  “Do you think Estaine will break up with me because of all this?” I ask. “I mean, it’s a lot to ask him to deal with. Especially since we just started dating.”

  “No, I don’t think he’ll break up with you,” Sander says. “Do you want him to?”

  “No, of course not,” I answer. “But I think I would understand if he didn’t want to put up with all this. I mean, it’s kind of scary. If I didn’t have to deal with it, I wouldn’t.”

  “Maybe he thinks you’re worth it.”

  I shrug. “I guess so. Would you date a girl in danger?”

  “Are you kidding? This is literally my job,” Sander says. “I live for this kind of stuff.”

  Huh.

  Well, I hope Estaine doesn’t mind a little danger in his life, either.

  Not as bad.

  “It’s so gross,” Teagan says.

  We are all having dinner in the dining hall. Emma is currently sitting with her back towards the table where Bryce and Paige are sitting, where they are currently making out. And I have to agree with Teagan on this one—it’s gross. And not just because he’s Bryce and she’s Paige, and I find them both to be gross people. But it’s gross because people are trying to eat and the two of them are having a make out session like they’re the only ones in the room.

  “I’ve officially lost my appetite,” Estaine says, pushing his food away.

  “How can they even get away with that?” Sander asks. “At my... um... our... old high school, kids weren’t allowed to just kiss in public like that.”

  “Give it a few minutes,” Emma says. “A teacher will come break them up and they’ll get detention.”

  “You sound like you’re talking from experience,” I say.

  “I am,” she says. “Hello, he used to kiss me like that, too. I mean, like, really kiss me. When we first started dating. And then kissing each other somehow became not fun and we started fighting instead.”

  “That’s when you should’ve ended the relationship,” Teagan says.

  “Tell me about it,” Emma says. “But fourteen year old me wasn’t that smart.”

  “You were dating him earlier this week,” Jason says. “So, apparently sixteen year old you ain’t that smart, either.”

  “Ain’t isn’t even a word, so who are you to question my intelligence?” Emm
a asks.

  “I think it’s a word now,” Teagan says.

  “I’m just saying,” Jason says. “Let Bryce act like an immature little boy and you do you.”

  “That’s what I’m doing right now,” Emma says. “If I wasn’t, I’d be over there breaking them apart.”

  “Maybe we should just go to Penny’s room now and order a pizza for dinner,” I say, because I really, really don’t want them to start fighting. I just want a fun, peaceful night.

  “Can I come, too?” Estaine asks.

  I. Wish.

  “No, girls only,” Teagan says.

  Emma stands up. “Let’s go.”

  Thank goodness.

  The three of us get up to dump out trays. Sander follows, of course. Because he has to. He’s not going to be in the dorm with us tonight, but he’s definitely going to walk us there.

  “You can’t come,” Teagan says to him, as we walk outside of the dining hall.

  “I have... something in my dorm that I have to give him,” I say. “He’s just walking with us. That’s all.”

  “Oh, okay,” she says. “I guess we will meet you in Penny’s dorm.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be there in, like, five minutes,” I say.

  Teagan and Emma both take off together and I stop and lean against the side of the building for a minute.

  I hate lying.

  Hate it.

  Eventually, they’re going to catch on. How could they not? When will these lies catch up to me? I will lose them all eventually, right? How could I not, when I realize that our entire friendship has been built on a lie.

  “You okay?”

  Sander is scary good at reading me.

  “Just... not that good at lying,” I say.

  “Then stop looking at it as a lie and start looking at it as a role,” Sander says. “In... training... we have to take acting classes because sometimes we have to be somebody that we’re not.”

  “Are you really Sander?” I ask.

  “Yes. I am. But I’ve pretended to be somebody else before,” he says. “One time, I pretended to be Russian.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I have the best Russian accent,” he says. “But you just need to see it as a role. You are Phoenix Black, but right now, you need to become Phoenix Underwood.”

  “Won’t they hate me after this is all over?” I ask. “I mean, my relationship with everybody, aside from Brooks and Estaine, is built on a lie.”

  “Maybe they will hate you,” Sander says. “But you have to realize that you being Phoenix Underwood is not only for your benefit, but for theirs, too. If anybody finds out, something bad could happen on a massive scale here at East Raven.”

  He’s right.

  But also, if I weren’t here, none of them would be in danger to begin with.

  “I don’t think they’re going to hate you, anyway,” Sander says. “Aside from your name and your life before coming here, what’s a lie?”

  “You, for one. And every time I’m absent I have to make up an excuse for why I’m gone. I mean, you see how much my teacher hates me. I’ve been absent almost as often as I’ve been present for class,” I say.

  “Everything right now is beyond your control,” Sander says. “But with me being here, hopefully you won’t have to miss class anymore. We can work on not having to lie any more than you have to.”

  “What about like what happened tonight?” I ask.

  “I will lie for you,” he says. “Or I will tell them that I want to walk you to the door. Because I am, no matter what. And if I have to look like the bad guy, that’s fine.”

  I stop, just before we reach Penny and Zoey’s door. “If you tell Uncle Matty or Jake this, I will deny it, but you’re not as bad as I thought you were going to be,” I say.

  “Thanks,” he says.

  Truth or Dare?

  “Let’s play Truth or Dare,” Penny says.

  Uh.

  This is why I hate slumber parties.

  Tonight, Emma, Teagan, and I are hanging out with Penny, Samantha, and Zoey. I have already decided that I'm definitely going to find a way to leave early, and I kind of wish I had found a way before now. Somehow, I have to play a game that is based around telling the truth while I am literally living a lie.

  “Emma, truth or dare,” Sam says.

  “Umm... truth,” she says.

  “Have you ever cheated on Bryce?” Sam asks.

  “No. But...” Emma grins. “This summer, I pretended that I was bored in The Hamptons, but really, I made out with my older brother’s best friend the entire summer. It was amazing.”

  “No way! You didn't tell me!” Teagan says.

  “I didn't want Bryce to find out,” she says. “And now I could care less if he does.”

  Go Emma!

  Really, she deserves happiness, and I’m not sure she will ever truly find it with Bryce.

  “Zoey, truth or dare?” Emma asks.

  “Truth,” Zoey says.

  How lame.

  Why is everybody picking truth?

  Then I remember I'd definitely have to pick dare because how can I tell the truth about anything in my life right now?

  “Who was the last guy you kissed?” Emma asks.

  “I haven't,” Zoey says.

  “You've never kissed a boy?” Teagan asks.

  “No. I don't know why. I just... haven't been interested in anybody, yet,” she says. “I know it’s lame to be sixteen and never been kissed. But I guess I just want my first kiss to be special.”

  “I never kissed a boy until Brooks kissed me at that baseball game,” I say.

  “Really?” she asks.

  I nod.

  “That's awesome,” she says. “I always thought I was weird for not having done it, yet. I mean, I’m about to turn seventeen.”

  “And look at Phoenix. She's kissed two boys now,” Teagan says. “Possibly three, though I doubt she’d admit to the third.”

  “Three? Who is the third?” Penelope asks.

  “I haven't kissed anybody besides Estaine,” I say. “And Brooks. But he kissed me and that hardly counts.”

  But everybody ignores me.

  “Didn't you hear?” Teagan asks them. “Sander is in love with her. Emma overheard him telling Rachel.”

  I roll my eyes.

  Could they be any more juvenile?

  “Sander is just a friend,” I say.

  A friend I met, literally, three days ago. But, you know, I can't tell them that. I can't even fully defend myself, and they're going to think something fishy is going on because I have to lie.

  “No way,” Samantha says, looking at me. “Sander and you? I mean, I wondered if something was up. You two are always together.”

  “He’s my best friend,” I say.

  “Even when Estaine is there, so is Sander,” Teagan says. “I’m actually surprised Estaine hasn’t gotten jealous.”

  “Estaine isn’t a jealous guy,” I say. Because he’s not.

  “How can he not be jealous though?” Emma asks. “You two are always together.”

  “Because he knows that there is nothing to be jealous of,” I say.

  “Everybody has their limits, though,” Penny says. “And even a good guy like Estaine will have his breaking point. It’s only a matter of time.”

  “It’s your turn,” Zoey says.

  “My turn?”

  “Truth or dare,” Samantha says.

  “Dare,” I say.

  “I’ve got this,” Teagan says, smiling. “I dare you to kiss Sander.”

  “No,” I say, standing up. “And I can’t believe you’d even suggest that. I am so done with this whole thing. You guys believe what you want, but I am not cheating on Estaine. Sander is not in love with me. I’m not in love with Sander. And Estaine and I are fine.”

  With that, I turn and walk out of the room. But I can’t help but think... if my own friends think this about me, what does everybody else think?

  Baby.<
br />
  After leaving Penny’s room, I went into the stairway. It’s late, so nobody is coming in or out of the dorms, and I can sit here in peace. And I tried not to cry, really, I did. But, with everything that is going on, I can’t help it. I cried for a good ten minutes.

  Sometimes, I hate that I’m at East Raven Academy. Not that I don’t like the friends that I’ve made here, or the life that I have here. I just hate being away from my family and away from Charlie. That’s the worst part.

  I try to imagine what it would be like to come here as Phoenix Black, instead of Phoenix Underwood. Charlie would’ve come with me, and things would’ve been so different. But I quickly realize that if things were normal, I wouldn’t be here. Like, ever. And, while I hate that my life has turned upside down, this is the only scenario in which coming to East Raven Academy is even plausible. I never would’ve left Malibu—I loved it there.

  So, being kidnapped by terrorists... having a million dollar ransom on my head... all of this... well, maybe it’s worth it to be here. Otherwise, I never would’ve met Estaine, or Brooks, or Teagan, or any of my other friends. And, while I am super upset with Teagan for what she said, she’s still my friend. My first real girl-friend—who likes me for me and not because of my brother. And that’s a good thing.

  Once I finally stop crying, I pull out my phone and decide to call Dad and Nora. I haven’t talked to them in far too long, and I just need to hear their voices. I miss my family so much that I can hardly stand it.

  “Hey, Phoenix,” Dad says. “You’re on speaker with Nora and me.”

  “Hey!” I hear Nora say.

  “Hey, guys,” I say.

  “What’s wrong?” Dad asks.

  I sigh. “I’m just having a bad day.”

  “Is something wrong?”

  “No,” I answer. “Just... high school drama. You know how it is.”

  “Good,” Dad says. “I’m glad you’re okay. You’re safe, right?”

  “Yes, I’m safe,” I say.

  “Just keep your head up,” Nora says. “High school sucks. College is where it’s at. Just hold on.”

  I laugh, because I’ve heard this so much in my life. Grade school sucks, but middle school is better. Junior high is hard, but high school is easier. It’s all lies. “I don’t mind high school. It’s just... everybody thinks I’m dating my new bodyguard because he’s always around, you know? So it’s hard.”