The Cruel World Page 10

  “How are things with Ian?” Kal asks, keeping his voice low.

  “Not good.” I frown, thinking about how Ian can’t even stand to look at me.

  “It’ll work out,” he promises.

  But he can’t possibly know that. What if Ian hates me for the rest of my life? What if he gets to the point where he doesn’t even want to be on the same team as me?

  “If you weren’t so attractive, this wouldn’t a problem.”

  I glare at Kal.

  He laughs. “I’m joking, Roxy. Come on. You were supposed to laugh.”

  I just roll my eyes. “I don’t think that’s a funny joke.”

  Kal frowns. “This is really bothering you, huh?”

  I look up at West and Alek, making sure they’re far enough ahead to not hear our conversation, then I look at Kal.

  “Yes, it is bothering me a lot. Ian is one of the nicest guys I know. What is wrong with me that I don’t have feelings for him?” My chest aches just thinking about it.

  “You can’t help what your heart does or doesn’t want,” Kal says. “You’re not a bad person for not liking Ian like that. I already know he’s too nice to be your type.”

  He’s not wrong.

  Apparently I like guys who sometimes treat me like crap.

  I take a deep breath, slowly letting it out. During my runs, I try to focus on taking deep breaths, but today it’s harder. I think it’s just because I’m in the midst of an internal crisis. Maybe I’m realizing just how bad a person I am. Maybe my mom was right about me being horribly selfish.

  “Don’t worry, I’ll keep quiet about your feelings for West,” Kal says.

  I trip over my own feet but manage to catch myself before I fall.

  Kal chuckles, shaking his head. “He didn’t hear. And he doesn’t know, don’t worry.”

  Thank God.

  Still, I glare at Kal. “I don’t even like West.”

  He smirks. “Keep telling yourself that.”

  Not wanting to have this conversation anymore, I push myself to run faster, catching up with West and Alek. I run between them. I would rather risk getting tackled by West than talk to Kal about my ‘feelings.’

  Feelings suck.

  Love sucks.

  Eighteen is too young for love anyway.

  “What are you thinking so hard about?” West asks.

  I shrug. “Just thinking about becoming a nun.”

  He raises an eyebrow. “You’re not Catholic. Besides, I’m pretty sure they don’t let spies become nuns.”

  “Not literally a nun. But I might take a vow, you know. Never get married,” I say.

  West shakes his head. “Princess, you’re too pretty to never have kids. Your genes need to be passed on.”

  I trip over my feet again.

  Geez, what is with these boys.

  Alek chuckles. “I volunteer if you need a baby daddy.”

  “I’m not marrying you, Alek,” I tell him. “I already told you—Russian guys aren’t my type, even hot ones.”

  West groans. “Not flirting before I’ve had breakfast.”

  “He’s just jealous,” Alek says.

  West increases his speed and runs ahead of Alek and me.

  “Was it something I said?” Alek questions.

  I laugh, shaking my head.

  Things are definitely never dull on a team with all these boys.

  After our run, we head to the gym. We’re here a lot earlier than normal—it’s only five am. I’m hoping we can finish up our training before Jensen and his team get up. I’d rather not have them interrupt again.

  “Is Jensen back yet?” I ask Kal, as we spar.

  Kal shakes his head. “They’re coming back tonight. That’s when we were supposed to come back too.”

  I frown, wishing we didn’t have to leave St. Thomas. It was beautiful and I would’ve loved to spend another day in paradise. “Stupid Jensen.”

  “Ouch.” Kal shakes out his hand. “You punch hard when you’re angry.”

  “Sorry.” I put a hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”

  He nods.

  “I was just imagining me, sitting on the beach. I’d be drinking a virgin drink, working on my tan, and swimming.” I sigh, wishing I were there instead of here. “But Jensen had to ruin it.”

  “Don’t worry. When we win The Royal Games, I’ll take you on a vacation myself.” He grins. “Ever been to Hawaii?”

  I grin. “Isn’t it a little early to meet your parents?”

  “Baby, it’s never too early for that.” He winks.

  “Stop flirting and start fighting,” West yells.

  Kal and I share a look before we start sparing again.

  I block. “Seriously though, I’d love to go to Hawaii. Your parents sound awesome.”

  “They are.” He swings. “I can’t believe I used to be envious of you because of who your parents are.”

  Block. “Me either. They suck.”

  They suck so bad that I question if I will ever even want to have children of my own. I worry that I’m going to turn out to be the kind of parent my mom has been to me.

  “Do you think it’s inevitable that we’ll turn out like our parents?” I ask.

  Kal cocks his head, looking at me. “Trust me, you’re nothing like your parents. There is no way you could be like them.”

  “Really?”

  He nods. “Like, are you sure you’re not adopted?”

  I laugh. “I look like my dad—there is no way I was adopted.”

  But I wish I were adopted. Maybe then I’d have a better chance at being a good person. I worry that I’m not good because lately, I don’t feel like it. A good person wouldn’t have hurt Ian like I did. A good person wouldn’t constantly be fighting West. And a good person definitely wouldn’t have punched Jensen, even if he deserved it.

  Eh, maybe being good is overrated. Punching Jensen felt good.

  Everybody hates me. Lovely.

  After training is over, I take my cold shower. I’m not too upset about it being a cold shower because it’s so hot today. When I come out to join everybody in the living room, Ian glares at me from his computer screen.

  Great.

  I think I liked it better when Ian used to ignore me—like when he first came here.

  Even though there isn’t much space, I sit down on the couch between Kal and Alek. It’s either there or by Ian and I just don’t want to bother Ian right now. He looks at me like he’s about ready to murder me as it is.

  “If you wanted to sit in my lap, all you had to do was ask.” Alek winks at me.

  I scoot closer to Kal. “In your dreams, Russian boy.”

  His grin widens. “And what sweet dreams they are.”

  “Stop flirting.” West rolls his eyes. “There’s plenty of space by Ian.”

  I press my lips tightly together, not saying a word.

  “She isn’t welcome by me,” Ian says curtly, not even looking up from his computer screen. He acts like he’s annoyed he even had to say it out loud.

  West looks at me, raising an eyebrow.

  I shrug at him, then start to play with the end of my hair.

  There’s an awkward silence in the room, but I don’t want to be the one to break it. I don’t know what I’d say anyway.

  West stands abruptly. “Princess, it’s our turn to do the grocery shopping.”

  I quickly stand to go with him. Normally, I hate when it’s my turn to do the grocery shopping, but I’ll take any excuse to get out of this room right now.

  Following West out the front door, I feel like I can finally breathe once the door shuts behind us.

  “You’re awfully excited for grocery shopping,” West says, as we make our way toward the stairs.

  I shrug. “Alek went last time. You know he always just picks out junk food. I need some fruit.”

  “Sure, that’s why.” He gives me a pointed look, opening the door to the stairway for me.

  Yeah, maybe that’s not why, bu
t I’m not going to voluntarily tell him what’s going on. West might be our team leader, but he and I have shared a couple of very steamy kisses. It’s not like I can just talk about boy troubles with him. He isn’t like Kal, who I can tell anything to. West is… intimidating. And sometimes when I look at him, he takes my breath away.

  West doesn’t say a word until we get to the Jeep. Once he starts it, he doesn’t put it in reverse. He just turns to look at me.

  “We need to talk.”

  My stomach sinks. “What about?”

  “Ian.”

  I swallow hard. “I’d rather not.”

  Because what could I say? That I broke his heart? That I’m cruel and made things awkward for everybody?

  I chew on the side of my lip, looking anywhere but at West.

  West puts his hand on mine. “Come on, Princess. You’ve got to talk to me. How else am I going to make things better?”

  I don’t think he can make things better, but I’ll keep that thought to myself.

  I sigh. “In St. Thomas, when Ian and I were on the Skyride, Ian told me something.”

  “Something?” West raises an eyebrow.

  “Yeah.” I clear my throat. “He, uh, confessed that he has feelings for me.”

  West clenches his jaw. “He did?”

  “And I told him that I didn’t feel the same.” I hold my breath, waiting for West to yell and scream at me.

  “That’s why he’s mad at you?” West asks. His voice is surprisingly calm, so I turn to look at him and see that he’s relaxed his face.

  “Pretty much.” I put a hand at the base of my throat. “I like Ian, but I don’t like him like that. I’m sorry, West. But I can’t date him.”

  He doesn’t say anything, so I study him to see if he’s mad. His face is neutral as he looks out the window of the Jeep. Finally, he looks over at me and says, “It’s okay. You shouldn’t date him if you don’t like him. I’m glad you told him the truth.”

  I blink, unsure what to do with the nice West. I’m not used to this. “But now he hates me.”

  West lets out a long breath. “Yeah. But that’s Ian for you. He’ll probably be mad at you for a long time, you know he can hold a grudge for a while.”

  Isn’t that the truth.

  I let out a frustrated sigh. “But I hate it when he’s mad at me. Ian’s such a good friend. Can’t you just… force him to be nice to me.”

  West laughs. “I don’t think it works like that, Princess.”

  If only.

  I groan. “I know. I just hate it.”

  He shakes his head at me. “Is this how it always is with you? Guys just asking you out all the time?”

  “Obviously not.”

  He raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean obviously not?”

  I wave a hand at myself. “West, look at me. I’m a complete hot mess. Boys at Spy School knew how clumsy I was so they stayed clear of me. I swear I hardly ever got asked out before I came here. And even here, it seems like boys only ask me out to make you mad.”

  “You think Jensen kissed you to make me mad?”

  I nod. “I know he did. He basically told me so.”

  “Trust me, Princess. Him kissing you had nothing to do with me and everything to do with you.” He runs his fingers through his hair. “I can’t even be mad at him for that. If our roles were reversed, I’m sure I’d do the same thing. When it comes to a girl like you, sometimes you’ve just got to throw all your cards out on the table and hope for the best.”

  I’m not sure what to make of what he is saying, so I keep quiet.

  “I’ll talk to Ian, but I doubt it will do any good. Just give him time—maybe a month or two.” He pauses. “Eh, maybe three months. You broke his heart. But eventually he will see that you did the right thing.”

  “I hope so.” I push a piece of hair behind my ear. “And you’re sure you’re not mad at me.”

  He shakes his head. “Nah. I’d be mad if you had decided to start dating him or something.”

  I expect him to continue on and tell me that dating somebody on the team would be complicated, but he doesn’t. Maybe he doesn’t because it’s pretty obvious. He was implying it.

  “I know dating a teammate would be a horrible mistake,” I say.

  West’s head whips over to look at me. “I didn’t say that. It would just be a mistake if you didn’t really love him back. You have to make sure you won’t have a messy breakup later.”

  “Oh.” I chew on the side of my lip, pondering his words.

  He taps the steering wheel, still not moving to back out of the space yet. “You, uh, don’t have feelings for Kal or Alek, right? I mean, you and Kal are always flirting.”

  I wave a hand. “For Kal, flirting is a personality trait. We’re just best friends, trust me.”

  “But what about Alek? You two hang out together a lot,” he says. “With all the extra training and stuff. Plus, I know you guys kissed.”

  “Alek kissed me because you kissed me. He figured if you could break the rule, so could he. Kal kissed me too.” I shrug. “But no. There is nothing going on with Alek and me.”

  His eyes widen. “Kal kissed you?”

  I nod. “Yeah. Alek saw. I figured you knew. It was at the hospital after Ian broke his leg.”

  His cheeks turn red.

  “Don’t worry,” I say quickly, not wanting to make West mad. “I’m not going to date a teammate, okay? It’s, like, my new motto in life.”

  He huffs, shutting the Jeep off. “I’m not in the mood to grocery shop anymore. Maybe you can ask your boyfriends to take you.”

  West gets out, slamming the door shut behind him. I sit there, looking at him as he storms inside, my jaw hanging open.

  What did I say to make him that mad? I thought me telling him I’m not going to date Ian, Kal, or Alek would comfort him, not make him mad.

  I swear, I will never understand West Newman. He is just so… complicated.

  Taking a deep breath, I open the door to the Jeep. Not wanting to head inside and incur West’s wrath, I head down to the beach to take a walk, thankful that I at least won’t be running into Jensen or anybody on his team.

  I swear, I can’t do anything right.

  Friday, December 8

  Please accept our sincerest apologies.

  Late Friday morning, after working out and going for a run, there is a knock on the door of our condo. None of the guys move to get up, so I grudgingly walk over, opening the door. I expect to see a package waiting outside our door, but instead I see Rook standing there. I look at him, raising an eyebrow, but he doesn’t say anything. He just holds out an envelope toward me. I take it from him and then he turns and walks into the condo next door.

  Very strange.

  I close the door and take the envelope inside. When I walk into the living room, all the guys look up at me, so I wave the envelope.

  “Rook just brought this.”

  West rolls his eyes. Alek just goes back to working on his French. Kal looks curiously at me. And Ian is looking anywhere but at me.

  “Open it up.” Kal sits up straighter. “I’m dying to know what it is.”

  I rip open the envelope, wondering what Rook could’ve possibly brought to me. Inside, I find a folded letter. My heart races while I unfold it.

  I clear my throat before beginning to read the letter.

  “Dear West, Roxy, Alek, Ian, and Kal,” I begin. “Please accept our sincerest apologies for the mishap in St. Thomas. We’d like to cordially invite you to an apology barbecue at our condo at twelve pm sharp. Dress casual for the event. Sincerely, Jensen, Cole, and Rook.”

  As soon as I finish the letter, I burst out laughing at how ridiculous it is.

  Kal glances at his phone. “Uh, I never pass up free food. Let’s head over.”

  I jerk my head toward him. “Are you insane? You actually want to go spend time with them after what happened in St. Thomas?”

  Alek stands up. “Dude, free food. Did you n
ot hear Kal?”

  I let out my breath in a huff. “This just proves that I will never understand what goes on in the mind of men.”

  But Alek, Kal, and Ian are already halfway out the door.

  West comes to stand next to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. “I can confirm that I think about exactly four things—The Royals, food, sleep, and girls.”

  I shake my head, smiling. “That’s a little pathetic.”

  He shrugs. “I’m a little pathetic.”

  True.

  West grabs onto my hand and pulls me with him.

  Guess that means I’m overruled on this one. I’m most definitely heading to our rivals’ condo despite the fact that Jensen put the moves on me. The only thing that makes me a little excited about going is because I want to see if he still has a bruise on his face.

  Eh, maybe this won’t be so bad.

  When we walk out our door, Rook and Cole are welcoming in Alek, Kal, and Ian. We follow right behind them, and I stand awkwardly to the side, my arms crossed over my chest.

  The first thing I notice about their condo is that it’s a lot bigger than ours. I wondered since their condo is on the corner. Their balcony is about four times bigger than ours, so it makes sense that their condo is too.

  Jensen is standing in the kitchen, with his back turned toward me. That’s fine with me, I’d rather not talk to him, but I do want to look around. The kitchen is nice—all stainless steel appliances and it has quite a bit more space to move around. I bet they don’t bump into one another when they’re scrounging around to find food for dinner.

  “Want a tour?” Cole comes up beside me.

  I raise an eyebrow at him. “Depends. Are you going to try and kiss me?”

  He grins. “Not unless you want me to.”

  “Definitely not,” I confirm.

  “Didn’t think so.” He holds his arm out. “After you.”

  West, Ian, Kal, and Alek are already on their way to the balcony, so I go with Cole, hoping that I won’t have to punch the guy. Cole is cocky, but I doubt he’ll try anything.

  First, Cole shows me the living room. They also have a sectional and an oversized chair, but their TV makes ours look tiny. To be fair, their TV wouldn’t fit in our living room.